by Susanne Ciancio, LPC

Stress is defined as "a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances." However, anxiety is a reaction to that stress. Anxiety includes worry about what "may" happen. Mark Twain is quoted as saying, "I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened." It's commonly believed that 90% of things we're anxious or worried about never come to pass!

By Susanne Ciancio, LPC

The most joyous season of the year is upon us and, although it's cold and dark outside, there is a promise of warmth from glowing fireplaces, twinkling lights, amazing aromas, and some of the best food offered in the entire calendar year! Yet we know this season among all seasons can be the most stressful of all. Why is that?

By Susanne Ciancio, LPC

This month I'll finish up by discussing what may be going wrong in fulfilling our desire to have a renewed mind. God has a part to play. He won't do our part and we’re not supposed to "try" to do His part. 

by Susanne Ciancio, LPC

 In John Ortberg's book, The Life You Always Wanted, he discusses the difference between training for change and trying to change.  This concept has been very helpful to me in my personal life, so I've outlined some steps below to illustrate what training might look like.

by Susanne Ciancio, LPC

I've been doing a series about personal change and how difficult it can be. This month, I'm going to focus on God's plan to transform us. First we'll look into the Word and then talk about some practical applications. What is God's plan to transform us?

By Susanne Ciancio, LPC

Is it really possible to make long-lasting changes? One of the big reasons we don't see changes in our lives is due to an offended heart!  We can be offended at God for permitting something to happen or for not making something else happen. We are seriously offended at times by what people say and do or neglect to say and do. 

by Susanne Ciancio, LPC

Why do we struggle so much with the change process?  Do we really know God's plan for change? I do know that godly women are frustrated with things we want to change about ourselves and our lives.  We all share in this all too human struggle!  

by Susanne Ciancio

Television shows like Everyone Loves Raymond are extremely popular because they hit upon a tender spot in the reality and culture of our family dynamics. Truth is stranger than fiction for sure and sometimes the Barone family problems pale in comparison to what we ourselves and our friends and neighbors are struggling with.

by Susanne Ciancio, LPC

Getting married is the most remarkable, significant, meaningful commitment most human beings ever make. Many young people dream of their wedding day their whole lives. If couples put as much time preparing for their marriage as they do their five- to eight-hour event, the divorce statistics would be immensely reduced. The wedding is a wonderful event, but the marriage is a challenging lifelong journey.

by Susanne Ciancio, LPC

In Part 1 of this series, we discussed the research of marriage counselors and psychologists John and Julie Gottman on married couples, which revealed Four Predictors of Divorce. The Gottmans refer to these predictors as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, which include criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. This month we will look at a couple of strategies the Gottmans suggest using to avoid these predictors.

by Susanne Ciancio, LPC

The Gottmans say they can predict whether or not a couple may be heading for divorce within the first 15 minutes of interviewing them. They call these predictors the "4 Horses of the Apocalypse."  Take a look at these predictors to discern if your marriage is in trouble.

by Susanne Ciancio, LPC

Above all, as followers of Christ, we know He is seeking an intimate relationship with us forged by devotion to the Word, prayer, worship, and fellowship with other believers. Those disciplines connect us on a deeply personal level with His voice and direction. Scripture ties in hearing the voice of God with abundance and soul prosperity.

by Susanne Ciancio, LPC

On any given day, I'm a daughter of The Most High with all the resources of Heaven available to me...but at times I may not be accessing any of those resources because I don’t see myself the way God does. I also don’t see my problems the way God sees them. 

God wants to talk to you. The supreme, sovereign King of the Universe longs to have an intimate relationship with you and me. INTIMATE...not just rule-following, church-going, service-oriented Christianity, but intimate relationship! That kind of relationship includes dialogue! [Continue Reading...]

By Susanne Ciancio, LPC

In my early days of seeking God, in pursuit of hearing His voice, I heard this message quite frequently, “You have two ears and one mouth!” This was my first clue as to what is most important to God...talking or listening?  Think about it for a moment, do we need to tell God the minute details of our situations as if He needs to be informed? Nothing wrong with pouring out our hearts to God and expressing our feelings, as a matter of fact it can be very cleansing indeed. However...if we want to hear from God we need to stop talking! [Continue Reading...]

by Susanne Ciancio, Licensed Professional Counselor

When I listen only with the intent to reply, I'm missing the entire message of the speaker - the content, intent, feelings, and so much more.  My focus is me and my thoughts, feelings, and reactions. There's a guarantee the speaker won't feel heard, understood, or connected to me.  When we practice that kind of listening, we are truly ineffective listeners. So how can we change that? [Continue Reading...]

By Susanne Ciancio, LPC

So, does your husband listen to you?

I know that can be a loaded question! At the base of much marital conflict there is an issue of not listening well to each other. More than that, couples often struggle with giving the time and attention required to really hear what their spouse is saying. Want to make a wife happy? Give her a husband who devotes focused time listening to her - hearing her heart, her hopes, and her dreams...not to mention her frustrations.  Of course, the same is true for our husbands. [Continue Reading...]

by  Licensed Counselor Susanne Ciancio 

In Part 1 of this series we looked at the common phenomena where we misinterpret other people's opinions, criticisms, and judgments as a clue or definition of who we are and our value/worth.   The point was:  it's not about you. In fact, other people are telling us who THEY are and NOT defining OUR value or worth! [Continue Reading...]

In a recent series of articles about friends breaking up, I said that sometimes it feels like people are giving us clues about who we are and our value/worth. But actually they are telling us who they are. I'd like to expand on that.

People are rarely telling you who YOU are but are frequently telling you who THEY are. [Continue Reading...]

by Susanne Ciancio, LPC

Part 1 and Part 2 of Do Friends Break Up? addressed the kinds of friendships that sometimes end in a breakup, how to have a godly breakup, and what reconciliation might look like. Part 3 addressed the question, “What if I'm the one being broken up with?” Here we’re talking about a pattern of breakups. [Continue Reading...]

by Susanne Ciancio, LPC, Licensed Professional Christian Counselor

What if I'm the one being broken up with? Ouch!  That can really hurt!

You may be very bonded to a group of women you're raising kids with. Then your family moves out of the neighborhood or your kids are a little older and in a different school. At first, you're surprised and then very disappointed when you realize the women in the neighborhood are still gathering and doing all the fun stuff you all used to do together. But there’s one big difference: they're not including you. [Continue Reading...]

by Susanne Ciancio, LPC

This month I'd like to look at some practical tips about what to do if we find ourselves struggling in a chronically toxic or imbalanced relationship.

First things first:  I need to examine my own heart. Seek The Lord, not other people who may know this friend. Ask Him to reveal my heart and why I'm feeling so irritated and resentful. I may have been practicing a lot of people-pleasing and self-deception myself. Have I pretended to be more kind and patient than I truly felt so now I'm about to blow a gasket? [Continue Reading…]

By Susanne Ciancio, LPC

Types of Friendships That May Need Some Adjustments

The term "breakup" isn't commonly used when friendships end, but if you've ever experienced it, it does feel like a breakup. There are lots of feelings that go along with this...both positive and negative. Depending on the circumstances, there can be true loss and grieving or possibly even relief when friendships end. Why do friends break up? 

Let's look at three types of friendships that may end in breakups. [Continue Reading...]

By Susanne Ciancio, LPC

This is the third installment of a series I’ve been writing on Bob Hamp’s Foundations of Freedom. 

One of the most basic premises of the Foundations of Freedom series is that we have a bad definition of freedom. We define freedom as the absence of something bad or negative, so our goal in life is to try and rid ourselves of something.  But a Biblical definition of freedom is quite different: It's the Presence of Someone, namely our Savior, Healer, Deliverer, Redeemer! Let's try this on for size. [Continue Reading...]

by Susanne Ciancio

Last month I shared about a wonderful resource I highly recommend to our Circles of Faith community called Foundations of Freedom. It's a five-part DVD set presented by Bob Hamp, a pastor who also has mental health credentials/licenses.

I will continue to write about the content of the series and why I'm so excited about it next month.  This month, however, I would like to devote my space to a dear friend's wonderful testimony about how the series impacted her life.  [Continue Reading...]

by Susanne Ciancio, LPC

This month I'd like to talk about those stuck areas of our lives that prevent us from feeling like the fully redeemed sons and daughters of the Most High God that we are. I'm talking about those issues that just never seem to get completely resolved like bad temper, lateness, irritability, weight issues, fears, procrastination, insecurities, depression, anxiety, and chronic relationship issues. [Continue Reading...]

Today's post is by contributor Susanne Ciancio, LPC, Licensed Professional Christian Counselor.

Dealing with Angry Teens - Part 3

In May, we discussed the difficulties of 

. The key point was to distinguish between when someone is expressing anger—which is normal and needs a healthy, boundaried outlet—and disrespect—which is using our anger against people with disparaging, condescending, mean comments.  We focused on changing the behavioral dynamic in the family between parents and teens and the importance of role modeling and owning our own anger before we can help our teenagers (or anyone else for that matter) with theirs.  We also talked about how our teens need to learn to express their anger in appropriate ways. We ended with the question: Should we permit anger at all?