Bridging the Generational Gap

“Nisey, what’s an ‘app’?” my 84-year-old grandmother innocently asked me.  I explained to her that an app is short for “application,” which is a kind of mini computer program on smartphones.  I pulled my phone out, showed her how an app works, and invited her to try.  “Oh wow!” she remarked with a smile.  “Wait ‘til I tell my friends I worked an iPhone!”

There are not many people who can say that their grandmother can play Internet games, chat with you on Skype, and like your Facebook post.  But I can!  I love my grandma’s positive attitude, curiosity, and eagerness to stay up-to-date with the latest technology.  She stands out among her peers, because she is not afraid to bridge the generational gap.

Unfortunately, in our society and in our churches, the old and the young mix like oil and water. 

Each side looks to the other as distant, obscure, and un-relatable.  Walk into any church, and it is obvious that there is age-induced segregation. 

My pastor recently told me that he read an article that the younger generation of churchgoers, of which I am a part, is pushing out the older generation.  They regard the seasoned Christians as obsolete and hold no reverence toward their traditions.  Young people, in general, believe in louder music, a softer Gospel, and a theology that borders on universalism.

While that may be true, on the other hand, the older generation seems to be intimated or disinterested in the thoughts, ideas, and lives of the younger.  They often grip their traditions with white knuckles and have a difficult time adapting to things new or fresh that the 21st century brings.  To the teens and twenty-somethings, older adults are often unapproachable, dogmatic, and stern.

Churches are focusing on either young people or older people, and few are successfully integrating the two age groups.

So what do we do?

Like any healthy relationship, connection calls for compromise and communication with the right attitude.  In his book, Winning with People, John Maxwell says, “The truth is that all of us…can learn things in unlikely places – and from unlikely people.  Everybody has something to share, something to teach us.  But that’s true only if we have the right attitude.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

To my fellow young people, I must be stern.  We are not always right.  We are not entitled to have whatever we want whenever we want.  We must honor and respect our parents, grandparents, and those in authority over us.  This is biblical (see Exodus 20:12, 1 Peter 2:13-17, Hebrews 13:17)!  Instead of immediately dismissing the opinions, beliefs, and traditions that “have always been around,” we need to dig deeper to understand the story behind them.  Adopt an attitude of learning.  Inherent with age is wisdom, and we have much to learn from those who wear silver crowns of splendor (Proverbs 4:1-9, 16:31).

To learn and grow from those who have gone before us, we can:

• Inquire about stories of how those older than us came to know the Lord.
• Request an invitation to their house for dinner. 
• Ask them to teach us how to knit, cook, golf, sew, or any other skill. 

Be eager to seek wisdom. 

To the older generation, I would humbly request that you listen to your children and grandchildren.  While our ways may be difficult to understand, young people are longing to be understood.  Take time to ask us about our plans, dreams, ideas, struggles, and hopes.  Even though it may not seem so, we young people do want to listen to and learn from your successes and failures.  Make yourself available and approachable. 

As the older generation reaching out to the younger, you can:

• Ask how you can pray for us and share ways we can pray for you. 
• Value us as people and our opinions as valid.  Just as we have something to learn from you, you have something to learn from us. 
• Be the “old dog” that learns new tricks. 
• Ask us to teach you about apps, tablets, tweets, and blogs.  

Don’t lose the curiosity of your youth and dare to dream with us!

There are handfuls in each camp that do successfully bridge the gap.  My iPhone-wielding, computer-game playing, Skype-chatting, and Facebook-status-liking grandmother is proof that it can be done. I have purposed to get together with two of the older women in my church. One is an amazing chef, and I want to learn how she cooks! The other is a floral designer and interior decorator. She has experience sewing, as well, which has always been something I've wanted to learn. They both offered to teach me their crafts, but I had to be the one to initiate.

So let us adopt the attitude that we can learn from one another.  Let’s stop the pattern of division that is developing and enter into true relationship.  Let us bridge the generational gap! 

Together, we can revere the past and develop creative ways to bring new life into our relationships for the future.

Comments welcome here.

A native of New Jersey, Denise Trio is a full-time worship leader, mentor, designer, and blogger based out of Fort Lauderdale, FL. She wants to use her voice to inspire others to seek healing and pursue restoration of broken relationships. Follow on her blog Blond Moment of the Day or on Twitter.  

photo credit: Simon Blackley via photopincc

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. 

A Journey of Community

In July 2011, right after my husband and I were married, we moved into a cute row home in a small city in Pennsylvania, in a low-income neighborhood. Some, particularly my parents, questioned this choice in location.

While this neighborhood has a negative reputation (high crime, low performing school, etc.), we also see its many strengths, and wanted to live here for a couple of reasons. First, for about five years, we had both been involved in ministry with kids in this inner-city neighborhood and wanted to be close to the kids and families we had formed relationships with. Second, two groups of friends had already bought row homes on either side of a house that “coincidentally” became available right when we were looking for a place we could move into after we were married. This was a great opportunity to live in community with friends.

Why was it important for us to live close to these friends?

Well, the short answer is that we felt it was something God was calling us to do. After meeting for close to two years with these friends for prayer and spiritual practices, we decided to commit more deeply to sharing our lives with one another. There were several reasons that we felt this was important. We wanted to become a family to one another, to support and encourage each other, living in close proximity. We wanted to live more simply and be able to share meals, tools, everyday interactions, joys, and concerns. While we looked at other options, such as a large house to live in together, when these three houses opened up in a row, it and ended up being the best option for all of us. It seemed a very clear answer from God.

What is intentional community?

At my college, Messiah, a small liberal arts Christian school, the word “community” was often tossed around, integrated within each class, within the resident halls, within our chapel services. I guess after four years of hearing it enough, it became a part of me, and a part of how I wanted to live my life.

The word community has many meanings. A simple search on Dictionary.com turns out five different definitions. This includes: “a social group of any size whose members reside in a specific locality, share government, and often have a common cultural and historical heritage,” and interestingly, definition Number Five: “Ecclesiastical. A group of men or women leading a common life according to a rule.”

My understanding of the word, community, in the way I try to live it out, is probably somewhere in between these two definitions. “Intentional communities” can come in many forms. Our living in such close proximity to one another is just one expression of this concept.

Our Place on Derry

Our community is called, “Our Place on Derry.” We chose a name that included our location, as well as an acknowledgement that while we currently have seven members, we want it to be a place where the larger community can feel welcome as well. During our time as a community, almost two years now, we have had as many as 13 members, based on who is living in the row houses at the time. Each of us is committed to hospitality, and has welcomed friends, family members, and sometimes even strangers to stay with us as needs arose. Currently, we meet for a meal weekly and rotate cooking and hosting so that each house gets a turn. We end our meal with a conversation about community, a Bible study, a spiritual practice, or an update on one another’s lives. And we always close in prayer.  We often sing together as well!

Who We Are

As I mentioned before, we all feel connected to the neighborhood we live in, and being present here is important to us. While none of us come from this area, and we all come from very different backgrounds from most of our neighbors, we want to form relationships with those who are different from us. We want to form mutual relationships in which we can learn from one another. We want to be “salt and light” to a neighborhood that has a bad reputation but much diversity and many strengths. We all have jobs locally, contributing to the larger community in some way. Our group includes a school therapist (that’s me!), an urban farmer (my husband), a racial justice coordinator at a non-profit, two youth workers, and several who support adults with disabilities.

How We Live

In the past, we have had cookouts where we’ve hosted our neighbors and we have had gatherings with other intentional communities in the city. We have tithed together to local organizations, we have put together baskets of food for friends in need. We have spent lots of time talking through our vision, mission, and the way we want to live them out practically.

Outside of structured times with one another, we also try to be intentional about being part of one another’s lives. We share the proverbial “cup of sugar,” or tablespoon of curry, can of coconut milk, stick of butter. We share a lawnmower and various tools, even vacuum cleaners. In a culture of materialism, our arrangement allows us to share more and buy less. And in an age of individualism, it allows us to be closely connected to others. One of the first things we did when we moved in was to take down our fences so that we could walk easily and freely from one house to another.

In some ways, living in community has been very hard work. Living with people who have different backgrounds, views, and styles of communicating is hard. But it is worth it as well . Our burdens are lighter because we shoulder them together, and our celebrations are even more joyful for the same reason. Through deaths of family members, job losses, engagements, new jobs, weddings, and trips far away, we have journeyed alongside one another. We learn so much from one another, how to love each other more, and new ways of seeing God in and around us.

We are constantly learning about how to be better neighbors to one another and those around us. This is one way that my friends and I live out our faith in Christ.  We are constantly adapting what we do and how we do it to meet one another’s needs at a given time. As we are changing, our community changes as well.

Resources

We try to learn from those who have come before us. Some great resources on living in community that have inspired us include:

Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Faith in Community, Deitrich Bonhoeffer

Community and Growth, Jean Vanier

The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical, Shane Claiborne

The Intentional Christian Community Handbook: For Idealists, Hypocrites, and Wannabe Disciples of Jesus, David Janzen

Journey Inward, Journey Outward,  Elizabeth O’Connor (and any other book by O’Connor!)

Micalagh Beckwith Moritz is a social worker, a writer, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a community member...continually learning how to do a better job at each of these roles. She is newly married (if under 2 years still counts as "new"!) and currently working as a school-based clinical therapist. She is always contemplating how to love others better and to enjoy the small things of life; to see God in everything...and everyone. Also important to note- she loves cheese, speaking French, and experiencing different cultures (whether in or out of the United States)! Micalagh blogs at Only Small Things.

photo credit: lumierefl via photopincc

Susanne Says - How to Revolutionize Your Relationship with Your Teenager

One of the best strategies for working with teenagers is to move in the opposite spirit, which means doing the opposite of what seems natural. Basically, this is a technique that disarms the stubborn or strong-willed person by agreeing with them. Sometimes it is as simple as saying, "Oh, yes, I see what you mean," after the teen delivers a criticism or harsh remark. This switches up the dynamic in the relationship and gives both parties a chance to restart from a more positive position.

What does this look like in real life?

One of my teenagers was very angry at me because there was a Friday night event his friends were going to and he wasn't allowed to go. (It was more than a decade ago. So I don't remember why he wasn't allowed to go exactly but it was probably a type of event my husband and I didn't approve of.) It was Saturday afternoon and I was returning home from my office. My then-15-year-old son was ready for a fight. He came rushing in to yell at me about how outrageous it was that he missed the night out. I took a deep breath…I had never seen him so willing to express his anger at me. I pulled out a chair and sat down and just listened. It seriously disarmed him. He didn't expect that reaction from me.

Most likely, my son expected me either to yell back, warn him not to be disrespectful, or go somewhere until he composed himself…all realistic expectations. But this day somehow the Holy Spirit had prepared me to move in the opposite spirit.

The result of moving in the opposite spirit

My son totally changed his approach when he saw he had my full attention. He then told me how he felt about being deprived of something he really wanted to do. Yes, he was mad, but mostly he was disappointed and felt powerless that we would withhold that opportunity from him. He assumed we knew how much it meant to him. Of course, that's my summary of his thoughts and feelings that day. It was a pretty emotional exchange.

THE GOAL

My son’s anger was diffused and he had a chance to talk about important feelings while still feeling them. Things didn't always go so smoothly at our house for sure. But I learned a valuable lesson: We need to make a distinction between anger and disrespect. As parents we shouldn't allow disrespect, but we can permit and even encourage expression of feelings. What's the difference?  Anger is expressed in "I" statements and disrespect is more character assassination, bullying, name-calling, and the like. A young person may start off in disrespect and be able to switch to respect because his/her feelings are being validated.

Sometimes kids, strong-willed or otherwise, just need a chance to be who they are without reprisal or parental injunctions like: "Don't you raise your voice to me" or " You know what's going to happen if you continue talk to me like that!"  Moving in the opposite spirit is doing the unexpected. If someone is being superior or prideful, take the one-down position of humility. If someone is being cranky or cantankerous you could be unabashedly kind or understanding. If someone is being critical, join with them, "Hey, I resemble that remark."

A picture of moving in the opposite spirit

Think about it this way. Imagine you're at a department store and feeling very angry and entitled because the clerk is taking way too long and you're not remembering your early morning moments with The Lord. Someone notices you and offers to let you go in front of them, saying something very kind and understanding and NOT judging you. It's totally disarming. It helps you own your "stuff."  Your anger fades and you may even have a complete emotional reversal. Why?  Is it because someone noticed your plight and saw things from your perspective and empathized with you?

Unless you're inherently very entitled, you know you don't deserve the "go to the head of the line" treatment. It exposes your character flaw to yourself. This is the side of God's learning curve we all so enjoy. What has happened here?  Someone has shown me acceptance during a time I least deserve it. I'm caught in the act of being myself. Yet, at the same time, I'm not being disapproved of but rather I'm being shown grace and favor. This is the part of God's training camp where our growth and maturation are expedited. Ah, yes, much more fruitful than lecturing and sermonizing.

We need to remember this application when our kids are getting on our last nerve. It has been said that our kids need our love the most when they least deserve it! That's also true of us and our relationships with The Lord and our friends and spouses, too.

The Irresistible Force paradox

What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?  Parenting strong-willed or angry kids can feel like that age-old physics paradox. Moving in the opposite spirit sidesteps that dilemma by deferring to the immovable force coming at me and being in control of myself. As a parent, I know that having control over my emotions is the only way to ensure a good outcome. We're supposed to be in control but not controlling! What's the difference? When we're controlling, we don't permit scary feelings such as anger, hostility, disappointment from our kids, and we don't permit them to be separate from us. (“We'll tell you how to feel, act, etc.”)

Application

As parents we have many opportunities to provide experiences that mature our kids. I was a no-nonsense kind of parent when it came to homework, chores, routines, and the like, but I tried to permit a lot of dialogue about other things.

Next time one of your kids is indignant about a boundary or structure your family has set up, step aside! Pull up a chair and listen. Don't argue. Restate what they say; it's very validating. See what happens. Obviously, every scenario in family life doesn't offer an opportunity for moving in the opposite spirit. But maybe, just maybe, when you do move in the opposite spirit, you might find a lightening of tensions and more joy and understanding being generated around the dinner table or on long car rides. You truly have nothing to lose. “If we always do what we've always done, we're always going to get what we've always gotten.” (Henry Ford)

Is there a Biblical foundation for this?

The Holy Spirit is always moving in the opposite spirit. Isaiah 61 shows us that He gives us beauty for ashes, joy for our sadness, and the garments of praise for depression. The prayer of St. Francis of Assisi is another example of moving in the opposite spirit. The Kingdom of Heaven is truly opposite from the world we're living in. So why not operate from the kingdom in which we have true citizenship. (Eph. 4:20-22).

Moving in the opposite spirit can find a place in many of our relationship dynamics. (It is the crux of good customer relations.) Be creative! Seek the Lord for ways to apply the principle of moving in the opposite spirit with your kids, your colleagues, neighbors, and family. You may be very surprised to see how THE opposite spirit, the Holy Spirit, might intervene in one of the aspects of your daily grind and bring about an outcome that could only be from above!

Susanne Ciancio, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Christian Counselor. She has been serving the Christian community as a professional Christian counselor in Essex county and the surrounding area since 1986. Beyond her private practice in West Orange, NJ she is involved in teaching, consulting, and pastoral supervision in various churches in the area. Click here for Susanne's website. 

EDITORS NOTE: While Susanne can’t answer specific counseling-related questions, she welcomes your thoughts, comments, and suggestions about what kinds of topics you’d like to see addressed here at Circles of Faith. Click here to contact us.

photo credit: Shavar Ross via photopincc

Hearts for the Lord

Several years ago, the teaching director in a Community Bible Study I attended asked me to do an opening on Valentine’s Day.  Valentine’s Day is not always an easy day for many women, myself included.  Dashed hopes and disappointment can create an unpleasant countenance and attitude.  Envy toward those whose day has been brightened with chocolate, flowers and other delights can turn a day usually decorated in red to many long hours tainted a bitter green.  That day, I strove to lift the hearts of all women in attendance with verses affirming our Heavenly Father’s great love for us.  

 At that time, my two sons were still in school, one in middle school and one in high school.  Being a degreed (but not employed) early childhood teacher, I was known to put my creative teaching efforts into the lives of my family.  That Valentine’s morning, my husband and my sons were greeted by a joyful Valentine’s greeting, homemade placemats (heart fabric) with handcrafted heart-shaped napkins, homemade-with-love heart-shaped pancakes, a red-wrapped gift, and, candy---no kidding!  The sentiments, the cheerfulness, the gifting was not returned, however. 

My presentation to the women began with that true-to-life scenario, certain that many of the gals had experienced that same lack of gifting as well.

Possibly they allowed a spirit of disappointment, sadness, and even resentment to enter their hearts. 

In Jeremiah 17 we read that the Lord says, Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans and turn their hearts away from the Lord.  They are like stunted shrubs in the desert, with no hope for the future.  Frankly, I have never lingered very long in an actual desert—fear of snakes and poisonous spiders and such.  But, I have dug a pit and clung to the sides of it in what the Bible, continuing in Jeremiah 17, calls a barren wilderness on the salty flats.  The influence of that well-known greeting card company and some very worldly wives, was like salt, creating in me a thirst for what those wives said they had in their marriages, what they said they had received.  Ecclesiastes 5:10 admonishes us that, Those who love money will never have enough.  How absurd to think that wealth brings true happiness!  I wasn’t really thirsting for wealth, just one measly Valentine, and, maybe, one rose---with some baby’s breath and ribbon, and perhaps some candy and---you guessed it…happiness and contentment as defined by the things of this world.  But the Lord saw my troubles and cared about the anguish of my soul (Psalm 31:7).

Jeremiah continues by reminding us blessed are those whose trust is in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.  They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots deep into the water.  They are not bothered by the heat (aka those “What did you get for Valentine’s Day?” questions) or worried by long months of drought (drought as in no gifts).  Their leaves stay green (and not with envy) and they go right on producing delicious fruit (delicious fruit, made up of the fruit of the Spirit, of course!).

From Romans 5:5, We know how dearly God loves us, He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our lives with His love.

Sometimes that’s the only love that can get us through a day –God’s love, His love for us. 

Paul wrote what we could call a lovely Valentine to his beloved Ephesians, I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in Him.  May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love (Ephesians 3:19). 

As we allow our roots to permeate that deeper ground, we can find sustenance from the love of Abba, Father and can even see what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! (1John 3:1).  We can be encouraged by how much we are loved by our Heavenly Father in a manner far surpassing anything we can experience on this earth from another human being.

Rather than anticipate February 14 with angst because we have to endure Valentine’s Day, let us delight in how much we are loved by our Heavenly Father.  Let us use our time that day not to dwell on what we didn’t receive but rather rejoice in what we have received---the sacrificial gift of salvation given to us because of the love of the Father for us. And let us share that love with those around us who so desperately need it.  

June Jones has been praying in a Moms in Prayer group since 1996 for her two now-grown sons, Kevin and Brendan, and currently leads a College and Career group. She also serves as the NJ Prayer calendar coordinator. June works full-time in a law office but still finds the time to prepare and present the power point for her church each Sunday. She has been married to her husband, Phil, for 38 years. You will most always see her wearing a hat!

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When a Boarder Moves Into Your Home and Into Your Hear

An engagement memento box from Chris for our 25th anniversary

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.   Psalm 139:16

We grew up, five kids, in a big old house with lots of bedrooms. Then one by one, we left our home to go to college. So for many years, our home was a place where we all came and went, regularly. Holidays and summers were times of reuniting.

One of the ways my divorced mother was able to hold onto the homestead was to rent out a room or two to a boarder. This was a common occurrence in our college town. All you really had to do was hang up a sign on the college community bulletin board and you pretty much had your pick of possible renters.

So it was no surprise when a boarder moved in shortly after I left for my senior year at Boston College.

 Mom and I would chat every couple of weeks. There were no cell phones, no texting, no personal computers or Macs, but we did have a landline house phone in our on-campus apartment (fun times!).

One evening in October, Mom called. She was full of excitement.

“Have I got a boarder for you!” Mom practically burst through the phone.

“Really? Tell me…”

“Well, he’s really cute. He’s a poet, getting his masters at Columbia. And he has the most adorable daughter. You are going to love him.”

“Hmmmm…sounds good, Mom. Guess I’ll meet him at Thanksgiving.” And our catch-up conversation continued.

I was intrigued…

Sadly, when I arrived home from BC, I found out that Chris’ dad, only 45 years old, had passed away. As a result, Chris was home only briefly, but long enough for me to see that indeed this guy was really cute and sweet…and long enough to make him a batch of cookies to bring to his grieving family.

I went back to college, more intrigued, but there really hadn’t been time to get to know Chris at all. 

Still, I definitely had a crush and my roommates were all ears as I told them about Chris the boarder. I also began writing in my journal, which was filled with prayers asking for God’s guidance. Could this guy, who just happened to live in my home, in a bedroom downstairs from my room, be the man God had in mind for me? It seemed too good to be true.

Christmas vacation came and went. Chris and I passed by one another in the hallway, but spent no time together. This was fine since I was busy living my life, reconnecting with friends, having a holly, jolly holiday.

During Spring Break, I headed down to Florida with two carloads full of BC seniors. On the way back, Easter Sunday, we all camped out at my house for one night before returning to BC. Chris and his mom stopped by and my mother invited them in for a visit.

I was so nervous and excited. My heart was in my throat, my palms were sweaty, I was flitting around like a fool!

Oh yes, I had a growing crush. There was something so innocent, so good about this guy. He was genuine and real…and I had had plenty of experience with superficial immature game-filled relationships.

I left for my last month of college life. One of my roommates said with absolute certainty, “You are going to marry that guy.”

My roommate and my mom were right…Chris and I have been together 34 years, married for over 27.

When people ask me where Chris and I met, I exclaim, “Right in my very own home.”

Some would say fate brought us together; I call it divine intervention. And I’m very thankful!

What’s your story? Where or how did you meet your spouse? Tell us HERE!

---

Elise has been married for 28 years and is mom to four mostly grown girls. She is a writer, editor, writing coach, and blogger. She believes we all have stories that matter--big life bios and small meaningful moments. Elise believes our stories are a reflection of God’s glory and are meant to be shared. They have the power to inform, reform, and transform. She loves God, familly, friends...and really likes travel!

How to Become a Wise Woman Who Raises Wiser Daughters

“I wanted to share with my daughter how to set boundaries in dating; I just didn’t know how.” 

“I’ve been talking to my girl about what to look for in a guy. Thank you so much for backing me up!”

“I’ve known that a boyfriend isn’t the answer to the desires of my daughter’s heart, now I know what to say!”

These were some of my favorite comments this past weekend as I spoke at a mother/daughter retreat. This is my passion; to come alongside moms and empower women to become wise and in turn raise wiser daughters. 

When I was nineteen years old, some wise women came alongside me, teaching me that no guy, whether he is a dad, boyfriend, even an amazing husband one day, can fill the love gap in my heart. As I became a young woman, a wife, and eventually a mother, I began to realize the enormous need of women of all ages to have their hearts filled with this truth. 

I wanted to share what I had learned about love.

About 10 years ago, I began by inviting a small group of girls from my neighborhood over for pizza and brownies. Then I shared my story with them about how I fell for Jesus. One of the girls stayed afterwards to help me pick up. She asked if I would mentor her. I said, Yes!” Then she invited a friend, who invited a friend, who invited a friend…until we ended up regularly with six or seven girls.   

I began writing Bible study lessons, which I would email to the group. Then we met every Wednesday after school to go over the lesson and answers to their questions. The idea that Jesus was wild about them…well, let’s just say their comments included, “This is weird!” But as time went on, I began to see their understanding of Jesus’ love change. That wasn’t the only thing that changed, so did the way they thought about themselves. As their thinking changed, so did their actions. As I saw their self-worth and confidence rise, I just knew this was not just for this small group of girls, it was a message for every girl.

This was the small beginning of His Revolutionary Love and the conferences I now speak at all over America. 

It didn’t take long for me to realize one problem with my first book: the girls were reading His Revolutionary Love way too fast. Reading a whole book in a day is a lot like drinking from a fire hydrant! So I wrote Devotions for a Revolutionary Year: 365 Days of Jesus' Radical Love for You . This way, a girl can soak in a bit of God’s truth about her every single day of the year. 

With one grown son and two high school daughters, I often feel like I’m not equipped for this raising children thing. Just when I think I have covered one issue, another one that I haven’t even thought of pops up!

Do you ever feel you’re not equipped as a mom?

Then you’ll want to join the community of moms who gather at my website who are purposing to raise wiser daughters.

I certainly don’t think that I have it all together, but we’re trying, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to figure this thing out together. Maybe this is just what you need? A place where you can get tips on how you can be a wise woman raising a wiser daughter too! Join us at www.LynnCowell.com.

Let me leave you with three of my favorite tips for getting your girl to talk to you:

Turn off your phone when she talks.

If it rings, dings, or bings, no matter what – leave it.

Look her in the eye.

Nobody looks anybody in the eye nowadays. When you do it says one thing, “I really care.” 

Care about what she cares about. 

Even if you have heard about the woes of life at the lunch table every day since school started, listen intently again. 

Today, Lynn is giving away a signed copy of her newest book Devotions for a Revolutionary Year: 365 Days of Jesus' Radical Love for You. To enter, just leave a comment about an area you need help in as a mom. If life is super busy, just say, “I’m in!”

Lynn Cowell is an author and speaker with Proverbs 31 Ministries. She has been married for over 25 years and has a grown son and two daughters in high school. She has written two books His Revolutionary Loveand Devotions for a Revolutionary Year. Her favorite things include the mountains, well-worn sweatshirts, and anything that combines chocolate and peanut butter. 

photo credit: pixieclipx via photopincc

Community 101

I was born in the Bronx but grew up in Queens, NY, where I didn't know many of my neighbors. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to meet them or be in relationship with them, but the norm on my block was not to engage. As I entered the workforce and rode the A train, the people I did pass by on a daily basis might give a hesitant nod letting me know that was as far as they were willing to go, socially…Community seemed to be a four-letter word!

Once I came to be in relationship with Jesus, married, and moved to New Jersey, my husband and I joined a church that emphasized uniting people to God and people to people . They promoted Life Groups, which are small groups that met twice a month in the homes of volunteer leaders for worship, prayer, fellowship, and Bible discussion. For the first time, we realized that God wanted us to be part of community. Even though this had become our desire, I was a little hesitant.

The Bible says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7) Yet I had reservations…

What was community supposed to look like?

Who were we going to meet?

Would we fit in? 

I realized that I was struggling with fear of rejection. This had deep roots. I grew up knowing my father hadn’t wanted more children when my mother was pregnant with me. And I was raised feeling like in order to be accepted and valued by my dad, I had to perform (clean, work at an early age, etc). My childhood, together with several other experiences, led me to build up attitudes and behaviors to avoid rejection…

BUT, God didn’t give me a spirit of fear (and I’m a New Yorker who doesn’t like to be pushed around), so I needed to muster up some courage! 

I chose to believe and trust God with my fear, so we took the first step of obedience by signing up to attend a small group. During that first year, we learned how to knit our lives together with others by sharing our life experiences, a meal, and prayer. After a while, community started to feel natural and I started to look forward to spending time with these precious people while growing in my relationship with God.

Fast forward eight years, even though we are no longer part of that congregation, we are still in relationship with several of the people we met in that small group, and I am so thankful for that.

Community rarely happens on its own. Relationship MUST be intentional. It may take facing your fears, getting over your past, and/or taking risks, but take the first step by getting involved through a local church, prayer group, book club, or Bible study today. We were made for community.

Won’t you join me in experiencing community and new relationships in this season of your life? You won’t regret it!

Diana Jones is a compassionate wife, mother, grandmother and friend. She is passionate about sharing God's love and all that He has done throughout her life. She is also looking for opportunities to grow spiritually through reading, prayer, singing and being in fellowship with others. She is thankful for the opportunity share her stories here at Circles of Faith.

photo credit: Grzegorz Łobiński via photopincc