The Art of Mothering

It was the time of night where I like to settle into the hollowed out spot on the corner of the sofa, the one next to the lamp for reading and the table for setting down a cup of tea. Dishes washed and laundry folded, I sat down and anticipated an evening with a hot mug, a cookie or two, and complete control of the TV remote. I hung up my invisible “Mom Off-Duty” sign, and propped up my feet on the coffee table.

My son, lounging on the chair next to me, tried to engage me in conversation.

This is the same son who spent the last three hours challenging my authority, bickering with his sisters, and, truth be told, driving me a little bit mad. Deep down, I felt the warning light flash, “Do not engage. Off-duty. I repeat, do not engage.” He was minutes away from bedtime, and I was not prepared to go another round or five with him. Didn’t he see my sign? Apparently not, because he pressed more and more for an answer. I turned to look at him, and I could see his need sitting on the surface of his eyes like tears.  He wanted more than a nod and a mumbled word or two.

He asked me what he is good at…

“Like, what am I really, really good at Mom? What are my talents?” and an answer like, “You’re really good at antagonizing your sister” didn’t feel entirely appropriate.  When I looked at him, I saw the truth behind his question; his real need to hear who I think he is, apart from the bickering and the fussing and the constant admonitions for him to behave. I shifted from my hollow spot, to the floor near his feet. I looked up into his big brown eyes and I told him. I told him that he is smart and artistic—how he sees beyond the surface of things, to the heart of them. I told him his ear is gifted for music, and his head for numbers, and he’ll always read deeper, wider, and with more passion than any kid his age. I told him he is one-of-a-kind and a gift.

After he went to bed, and I sat down to my, now cold, cup of tea, I thought about how easy it is to remain disengaged and off-duty.

Motherhood often feels like a checklist, one that looks the same every single day.

Too often, my parenting focuses only on the tasks—those items I can check off as complete. But the work of motherhood isn’t simply about the baked chicken or the ironed shirts or the clean sheets. The true work of mothering happens when we pull ourselves out of the hollow places. The hard work gets done in the sitting by their feet with a listening ear, where mothering becomes less a series of tasks and more of an art.

Mothering is an act of creation that begins in the womb and continues in the heart.

We create a safe place where our children can ask the difficult questions and we give them the truth about who they are in our family, in this world, and in Christ.  We paint and draw and build these truths into them like artists, and with an artist there is no such thing as off-duty. 

Comments welcome here...

Kimberly lives in Switzerland with her husband and favorite little people.  She copes with life’s biggest questions by drinking lots of tea, writing, and God’s grace. You can find her writing at www.kimberlyanncoyle.com or tweeting @KimberlyACoyle.

Easter Story Cookies

This past December, for the first time, I intentionally celebrated the Advent season with my children. In an attempt to have a more meaningful holiday, I followed along with Truth in the Tinsel: An Advent Experience for Little Hands and participated in a daily devotional and craft with my little ones.

After seeing what a difference it made in the way my children viewed Christmas, I knew I wanted to do something special for Easter as well. 

My friend Jennifer introduced me to the Easter Story Cookies. This is a great activity to do with your kids while pointing to Christ and the reason we celebrate this holiday. 

You'll need:

• 1 cup whole pecans    
• 3 egg whites  
• wooden spoon   
• 1 cup sugar
• pinch salt      
• 1 tsp. vinegar      
• Ziploc bag    
• tape      
• Bible

Preheat oven to 300 degrees     

Place pecans in ziplock bag. Beat the bag with a wooden spoon to break the nuts into small pieces.

Explain that after Jesus was arrested, He was beaten by the Roman soldiers.

Read John 9:1-3.

Open the vinegar and let each child smell it.  Put 1 tsp. vinegar into mixing bowl.

Explain that when Jesus was thirsty on the cross, He was given vinegar to drink.  

Read John 19:28-30.

Add egg whites to vinegar.  

Explain that eggs represent life; Jesus gave His life to give us life. 

Read John 10:10-11.

Sprinkle a little salt into each child's hand. Let them taste it and brush the rest into the bowl.  

Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus' followers, and the bitterness of our own sin.  

Read Luke 23:27.

So far, the ingredients are not very appetizing.

Add 1 cup sugar.  

Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because He loves us. He wants us to know we belong to Him.

Read Ps. 34:8 and John 3:16.

Beat with a mixer on high speed for 12 to 15 minutes until stiff peaks are formed.  

Explain that the color white represents purity. In God's eyes, we are purified because our sins have been cleansed by Jesus.  

Read Isaiah 1:18 and John 3:1-3.

Fold in broken nuts.

Drop by teaspoons onto wax paper lined cookie sheet.  

Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where Jesus' body was laid.

Read Matt. 27:57-60.

Put the cookie sheet in the oven, close the door and turn the oven OFF.

Give each child a piece of tape and seal the oven door.

Explain that Jesus' tomb was sealed.

Read Matt. 27:65-66.

GO TO BED!

Explain to your children that Jesus' followers were in despair when the tomb was sealed. They too may feel sad since they can't eat the cookies right away. They will need to leave the cookies in the oven overnight.

Read John 16:20 and 22.

On Easter morning, open the oven and give everyone a cookie. Point out the cracked surface and take a bite. The cookies are hollow!

Explain that on the first Easter, Jesus' followers were amazed to find the tomb open and empty.  

Read Matt. 28:1-9

Download a printable copy of the Easter Story Cookie Recipe HERE.

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With a background as an interior designer Kimberly has is unique in her ability to be both creative and practical; now a stay-at-home mom she still enjoys exercising her creative muscles.  After God, her very active family is her top priority. Kimberly seeks to live a life that is spirit led with her husband Carl and their three young children in the NYC suburbs.

You can follow Kimberly in her journey to discovering the Sweet Spot of God’s success for her everyday life on her blog at Living in the Sweet Spot. or on twitter @kimberlyamici.Click here for her full bio.

What Have You Got to Lose?

Recently I was watching a message by Joyce Myer. At the end, she had a video testimony of Danny Cahill. When Myer came to visit his church in 2006, he had a life-changing moment.

You may recognize Danny's name. He won The Biggest Loser in Season Eight. Before the show and before he heard Joyce Myer speak, Danny and Darci, his wife, were struggling financially, in their marriage, and family life. He was gambling and binge eating, which created chaos in his family. He ended up $45,000 in credit card debt and weighed 460 lbs.

The Way Out

One Sunday, Danny and Darci knew things had to change, but they did not know what to do. They prayed for God to show them the way. They went to church in the evening, and heard Joyce Myer speak.

She said, "The only way out (of bad circumstances or problems) is through. If you are running and hiding from something, it has power and authority over you."

Danny finally realized his addictions had power over him. The way through was to change his habits one step at a time. He paid off his debt by taking a second job, and tried out for The Biggest Loser in Season Seven. He finally made it in Season Eight. He lost the most weight of anyone on the show ever, and has kept it off for over two years now.

Routines Propel Us

We all have routines and habits we do every day. Some we have chosen intentionally, and others we do without even thinking. Routines propel us through our day.

How is your spiritual routine?  What are your spiritual habits?  Are you exercising your spiritual muscles each day to grow your faith? 

God desires to speak to us each day and give us power through His living word. <-Click to Tweet 

Most people think of routines as boring and ordinary. Yet, when I spend time in God's Word daily, He never ceases to amaze me. When I read His Word, even a passage I have read many times, I glean something new. I see it differently or God speaks to me.

Trusting Him

The word God has pressed on my heart for 2013 is trust. Recently, I read a Jesus Calling (Sarah Young) devotional as I started my time alone with God, and can you guess what it was about?  Trust.

The verse for the day was, Trust in the Lord, with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you the path to take. [Proverbs 3:5-6, NLT] 

While watching Danny's testimony, my heart resonated with Darci as she had watched her husband struggle for years with his weight and their finances. She asked God how she could help her husband, and God responded to her, “Do not do anything.”  God asked her, "Do you trust me?" 

God Reveals

Wow! I felt like an arrow had hit my heart. That was it! God has been asking me, "Do you trust Me?" for almost two years now.

Until that moment when Darci was talking, I was not sure why God kept asking me, "Do You trust Me?"  Then I realized, I had not trusted God to handle situations in my marriage. I believed nothing would ever change, and it would always be this way.

God overwhelms me when He speaks to my heart so lovingly. He reveals His heart for me when He reveals His truths to me.

Keep Connected

My spiritual routine keeps me connected to God throughout the day. My spiritual life is exciting, because I am open to hear God speak through other people, books, and whatever means He chooses. God has spoken to me through music, through messages on church marquees or bumper stickers.

How can you change your spiritual routine? 

What do you need to do differently?

Each morning many of us grab a cup of coffee or in my case, hot tea. I challenge you to grab your Bible before the newspaper or the morning show on TV.

It is my desire for every believer to have a thriving, growing, and healthy relationship with their Savior.

If you desire a more intimate relationship with your heavenly Father, read The Daily GPS ~ An Intimate Journey with Christ. Learn ways to grow closer to God, pray with intention, and seek to serve Him daily.

Click Here for The Daily GPS FREE download available on my website.

In what area of your life is God asking you, “Do you trust Me?” Let us know in the comments HERE.

Joyce Glass is a writer and speaker, and lover of God’s Word. She shares how people are living their life for Christ on her blog at www.thedailygps.com. She inspires believers to grow more intimate with Christ, and encourages them to live out their faith by serving Him. 

Photo Credit: Joel Palmer at www.palmerphotography.com

Susanne Says - How to Revolutionize Your Relationship with Your Teenager

One of the best strategies for working with teenagers is to move in the opposite spirit, which means doing the opposite of what seems natural. Basically, this is a technique that disarms the stubborn or strong-willed person by agreeing with them. Sometimes it is as simple as saying, "Oh, yes, I see what you mean," after the teen delivers a criticism or harsh remark. This switches up the dynamic in the relationship and gives both parties a chance to restart from a more positive position.

What does this look like in real life?

One of my teenagers was very angry at me because there was a Friday night event his friends were going to and he wasn't allowed to go. (It was more than a decade ago. So I don't remember why he wasn't allowed to go exactly but it was probably a type of event my husband and I didn't approve of.) It was Saturday afternoon and I was returning home from my office. My then-15-year-old son was ready for a fight. He came rushing in to yell at me about how outrageous it was that he missed the night out. I took a deep breath…I had never seen him so willing to express his anger at me. I pulled out a chair and sat down and just listened. It seriously disarmed him. He didn't expect that reaction from me.

Most likely, my son expected me either to yell back, warn him not to be disrespectful, or go somewhere until he composed himself…all realistic expectations. But this day somehow the Holy Spirit had prepared me to move in the opposite spirit.

The result of moving in the opposite spirit

My son totally changed his approach when he saw he had my full attention. He then told me how he felt about being deprived of something he really wanted to do. Yes, he was mad, but mostly he was disappointed and felt powerless that we would withhold that opportunity from him. He assumed we knew how much it meant to him. Of course, that's my summary of his thoughts and feelings that day. It was a pretty emotional exchange.

THE GOAL

My son’s anger was diffused and he had a chance to talk about important feelings while still feeling them. Things didn't always go so smoothly at our house for sure. But I learned a valuable lesson: We need to make a distinction between anger and disrespect. As parents we shouldn't allow disrespect, but we can permit and even encourage expression of feelings. What's the difference?  Anger is expressed in "I" statements and disrespect is more character assassination, bullying, name-calling, and the like. A young person may start off in disrespect and be able to switch to respect because his/her feelings are being validated.

Sometimes kids, strong-willed or otherwise, just need a chance to be who they are without reprisal or parental injunctions like: "Don't you raise your voice to me" or " You know what's going to happen if you continue talk to me like that!"  Moving in the opposite spirit is doing the unexpected. If someone is being superior or prideful, take the one-down position of humility. If someone is being cranky or cantankerous you could be unabashedly kind or understanding. If someone is being critical, join with them, "Hey, I resemble that remark."

A picture of moving in the opposite spirit

Think about it this way. Imagine you're at a department store and feeling very angry and entitled because the clerk is taking way too long and you're not remembering your early morning moments with The Lord. Someone notices you and offers to let you go in front of them, saying something very kind and understanding and NOT judging you. It's totally disarming. It helps you own your "stuff."  Your anger fades and you may even have a complete emotional reversal. Why?  Is it because someone noticed your plight and saw things from your perspective and empathized with you?

Unless you're inherently very entitled, you know you don't deserve the "go to the head of the line" treatment. It exposes your character flaw to yourself. This is the side of God's learning curve we all so enjoy. What has happened here?  Someone has shown me acceptance during a time I least deserve it. I'm caught in the act of being myself. Yet, at the same time, I'm not being disapproved of but rather I'm being shown grace and favor. This is the part of God's training camp where our growth and maturation are expedited. Ah, yes, much more fruitful than lecturing and sermonizing.

We need to remember this application when our kids are getting on our last nerve. It has been said that our kids need our love the most when they least deserve it! That's also true of us and our relationships with The Lord and our friends and spouses, too.

The Irresistible Force paradox

What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?  Parenting strong-willed or angry kids can feel like that age-old physics paradox. Moving in the opposite spirit sidesteps that dilemma by deferring to the immovable force coming at me and being in control of myself. As a parent, I know that having control over my emotions is the only way to ensure a good outcome. We're supposed to be in control but not controlling! What's the difference? When we're controlling, we don't permit scary feelings such as anger, hostility, disappointment from our kids, and we don't permit them to be separate from us. (“We'll tell you how to feel, act, etc.”)

Application

As parents we have many opportunities to provide experiences that mature our kids. I was a no-nonsense kind of parent when it came to homework, chores, routines, and the like, but I tried to permit a lot of dialogue about other things.

Next time one of your kids is indignant about a boundary or structure your family has set up, step aside! Pull up a chair and listen. Don't argue. Restate what they say; it's very validating. See what happens. Obviously, every scenario in family life doesn't offer an opportunity for moving in the opposite spirit. But maybe, just maybe, when you do move in the opposite spirit, you might find a lightening of tensions and more joy and understanding being generated around the dinner table or on long car rides. You truly have nothing to lose. “If we always do what we've always done, we're always going to get what we've always gotten.” (Henry Ford)

Is there a Biblical foundation for this?

The Holy Spirit is always moving in the opposite spirit. Isaiah 61 shows us that He gives us beauty for ashes, joy for our sadness, and the garments of praise for depression. The prayer of St. Francis of Assisi is another example of moving in the opposite spirit. The Kingdom of Heaven is truly opposite from the world we're living in. So why not operate from the kingdom in which we have true citizenship. (Eph. 4:20-22).

Moving in the opposite spirit can find a place in many of our relationship dynamics. (It is the crux of good customer relations.) Be creative! Seek the Lord for ways to apply the principle of moving in the opposite spirit with your kids, your colleagues, neighbors, and family. You may be very surprised to see how THE opposite spirit, the Holy Spirit, might intervene in one of the aspects of your daily grind and bring about an outcome that could only be from above!

Susanne Ciancio, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Christian Counselor. She has been serving the Christian community as a professional Christian counselor in Essex county and the surrounding area since 1986. Beyond her private practice in West Orange, NJ she is involved in teaching, consulting, and pastoral supervision in various churches in the area. Click here for Susanne's website. 

EDITORS NOTE: While Susanne can’t answer specific counseling-related questions, she welcomes your thoughts, comments, and suggestions about what kinds of topics you’d like to see addressed here at Circles of Faith. Click here to contact us.

photo credit: Shavar Ross via photopincc

Eyes Wide Open to Wisdom

I typically wear many, many hats in the span of a week.

I am a prayer group leader (and participant), boot camper, chef, Girl Scout leader, Lego League coach, Gifted and Talented Parent Representative, and school volunteer. That does not even include the standing responsibilities of wife, mom, daughter, friend, car pool driver, household manager, calendar keeper, block party organizer, and sports scheduler! Every day I am required to use both my “Adult“ wisdom and “Mommy” wisdom. And yes, I think they can be separate. On a great day – they are one in the same. 

It was on one particular week when our community was going through a time of loss that I truly saw God’s gift of wisdom in my life with my eyes wide open.

Our priest gave a sermon on wisdom and it struck a chord.  As I thought about what was being said, I was able to recognize the wisdom from God operating at various times of my life. I recalled various people who I have come across that have been given wisdom as well. 1 Corinthians 12:4-11 says

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spiritdistributes them.There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord.There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyoneit is the same Godat work.Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom,to another a message of knowledgeby means of the same Spirit,to another faithby the same Spirit, to another gifts of healingby that one Spirit,to another miraculous powers,to another prophecy,to another distinguishing between spirits,to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,and to still another the interpretation of tongues.All these are the work of one and the same Spirit,and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.

I’m relishing the blessing of being a stay-at-home parent, even amidst the chaos of little ones (and big ones). I chose to be at home and am very thankful that I can be. All my previous paid jobs, from a pizza maker to a small law firm manager to a human resource manager in advertising had a purpose. These positions and the people encountered along the way help assemble and build my talents of time management, my people skills, and my love for community, all of which further enhance my time as a stay-at-home parent.

There were days, and there will be many more, that I feel  I am not being utilized to the best of my ability. 

On those days in my journey I can know that God has me right where he wants me. I can also be encouraged by the hope that:

• ·      One or more of my car pool charges will feel secure that I’m always going to be on time.
• ·      My Girl Scouts will be so comfortable with me that they’ll trust me enough to share an issue that they’re having at school.
• ·      My children’s friends will take comfort in me if hurt at a practice that their parent was not able to attend.
• ·      My children know that someone is always waiting for them at home and ready to hear, heal, and feed them upon arrival.
• ·      My efforts in community service will inspire someone to make a difference – small or large.
• ·      As a Home and School representative I will make a difference in a student’s life.
• ·      My husband, children, parents, and friends know that I pray for them often and do my best to serve each one.

Yes, I am able to see that wisdom is prevailing in my life and I’m thankful for it through and through. We all want the best for our families and through the wisdom of God; it can be achieved.

No matter what you do, it matters, so get on out there and do what you do best.

What do you do for others that you think matters most?

NOTE: let me not offend any working parent whether you are there by choice or need.  I find what you do remarkable. And I know we are all capable of loving and serving our families greatly.

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Jennifer Pine lives in New Jersey and is a "household manager to her husband of 15 years and two kids" – i.e., stay-at-home mom. She is passionate about teaching kids of any age to do good for others and uses the Community Service Committee at the schools as a primary forum. Jennifer tries more to be her children’s parent than their BFF, enabling them to become independent so they will be successful adults.

photo credit: Mark Mrwizard via photopincc

Hearts for the Lord

Several years ago, the teaching director in a Community Bible Study I attended asked me to do an opening on Valentine’s Day.  Valentine’s Day is not always an easy day for many women, myself included.  Dashed hopes and disappointment can create an unpleasant countenance and attitude.  Envy toward those whose day has been brightened with chocolate, flowers and other delights can turn a day usually decorated in red to many long hours tainted a bitter green.  That day, I strove to lift the hearts of all women in attendance with verses affirming our Heavenly Father’s great love for us.  

 At that time, my two sons were still in school, one in middle school and one in high school.  Being a degreed (but not employed) early childhood teacher, I was known to put my creative teaching efforts into the lives of my family.  That Valentine’s morning, my husband and my sons were greeted by a joyful Valentine’s greeting, homemade placemats (heart fabric) with handcrafted heart-shaped napkins, homemade-with-love heart-shaped pancakes, a red-wrapped gift, and, candy---no kidding!  The sentiments, the cheerfulness, the gifting was not returned, however. 

My presentation to the women began with that true-to-life scenario, certain that many of the gals had experienced that same lack of gifting as well.

Possibly they allowed a spirit of disappointment, sadness, and even resentment to enter their hearts. 

In Jeremiah 17 we read that the Lord says, Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans and turn their hearts away from the Lord.  They are like stunted shrubs in the desert, with no hope for the future.  Frankly, I have never lingered very long in an actual desert—fear of snakes and poisonous spiders and such.  But, I have dug a pit and clung to the sides of it in what the Bible, continuing in Jeremiah 17, calls a barren wilderness on the salty flats.  The influence of that well-known greeting card company and some very worldly wives, was like salt, creating in me a thirst for what those wives said they had in their marriages, what they said they had received.  Ecclesiastes 5:10 admonishes us that, Those who love money will never have enough.  How absurd to think that wealth brings true happiness!  I wasn’t really thirsting for wealth, just one measly Valentine, and, maybe, one rose---with some baby’s breath and ribbon, and perhaps some candy and---you guessed it…happiness and contentment as defined by the things of this world.  But the Lord saw my troubles and cared about the anguish of my soul (Psalm 31:7).

Jeremiah continues by reminding us blessed are those whose trust is in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.  They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots deep into the water.  They are not bothered by the heat (aka those “What did you get for Valentine’s Day?” questions) or worried by long months of drought (drought as in no gifts).  Their leaves stay green (and not with envy) and they go right on producing delicious fruit (delicious fruit, made up of the fruit of the Spirit, of course!).

From Romans 5:5, We know how dearly God loves us, He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our lives with His love.

Sometimes that’s the only love that can get us through a day –God’s love, His love for us. 

Paul wrote what we could call a lovely Valentine to his beloved Ephesians, I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in Him.  May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love (Ephesians 3:19). 

As we allow our roots to permeate that deeper ground, we can find sustenance from the love of Abba, Father and can even see what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! (1John 3:1).  We can be encouraged by how much we are loved by our Heavenly Father in a manner far surpassing anything we can experience on this earth from another human being.

Rather than anticipate February 14 with angst because we have to endure Valentine’s Day, let us delight in how much we are loved by our Heavenly Father.  Let us use our time that day not to dwell on what we didn’t receive but rather rejoice in what we have received---the sacrificial gift of salvation given to us because of the love of the Father for us. And let us share that love with those around us who so desperately need it.  

June Jones has been praying in a Moms in Prayer group since 1996 for her two now-grown sons, Kevin and Brendan, and currently leads a College and Career group. She also serves as the NJ Prayer calendar coordinator. June works full-time in a law office but still finds the time to prepare and present the power point for her church each Sunday. She has been married to her husband, Phil, for 38 years. You will most always see her wearing a hat!

photo credit: Shandi-lee via photopincc

Community 101

I was born in the Bronx but grew up in Queens, NY, where I didn't know many of my neighbors. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to meet them or be in relationship with them, but the norm on my block was not to engage. As I entered the workforce and rode the A train, the people I did pass by on a daily basis might give a hesitant nod letting me know that was as far as they were willing to go, socially…Community seemed to be a four-letter word!

Once I came to be in relationship with Jesus, married, and moved to New Jersey, my husband and I joined a church that emphasized uniting people to God and people to people . They promoted Life Groups, which are small groups that met twice a month in the homes of volunteer leaders for worship, prayer, fellowship, and Bible discussion. For the first time, we realized that God wanted us to be part of community. Even though this had become our desire, I was a little hesitant.

The Bible says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7) Yet I had reservations…

What was community supposed to look like?

Who were we going to meet?

Would we fit in? 

I realized that I was struggling with fear of rejection. This had deep roots. I grew up knowing my father hadn’t wanted more children when my mother was pregnant with me. And I was raised feeling like in order to be accepted and valued by my dad, I had to perform (clean, work at an early age, etc). My childhood, together with several other experiences, led me to build up attitudes and behaviors to avoid rejection…

BUT, God didn’t give me a spirit of fear (and I’m a New Yorker who doesn’t like to be pushed around), so I needed to muster up some courage! 

I chose to believe and trust God with my fear, so we took the first step of obedience by signing up to attend a small group. During that first year, we learned how to knit our lives together with others by sharing our life experiences, a meal, and prayer. After a while, community started to feel natural and I started to look forward to spending time with these precious people while growing in my relationship with God.

Fast forward eight years, even though we are no longer part of that congregation, we are still in relationship with several of the people we met in that small group, and I am so thankful for that.

Community rarely happens on its own. Relationship MUST be intentional. It may take facing your fears, getting over your past, and/or taking risks, but take the first step by getting involved through a local church, prayer group, book club, or Bible study today. We were made for community.

Won’t you join me in experiencing community and new relationships in this season of your life? You won’t regret it!

Diana Jones is a compassionate wife, mother, grandmother and friend. She is passionate about sharing God's love and all that He has done throughout her life. She is also looking for opportunities to grow spiritually through reading, prayer, singing and being in fellowship with others. She is thankful for the opportunity share her stories here at Circles of Faith.

photo credit: Grzegorz Łobiński via photopincc

Blessed or Stressed?

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, or so the song says, the happiest season of all. Norman Rockwell images dance in our heads, or across the TV anyway. And a ball in the pit of our stomach starts to grow like a snowball careening down a mountain.

The birth of our Savior occurred in the humblest surroundings, but you’d never know it by the way our society honors the event. Fantastical Christmas decorations adorn the stores for a few weeks already, and it’s not Thanksgiving yet. The pressure mounts to buy gifts, decorate homes, entertain, send cards, bake and cook, on and on it goes.

Stress comes both from “outside in” and well as “inside out.” Family issues, work demands, depression, distractions, and overall busy-ness create anxiety that leaves us feeling stressed rather than blessed. We can control some of the “outside in” stressors, but not all. There are things that are simply out of our control. But we can control ALL of the “inside out” stress. We alone can determine our RE-actions to the demands of our day.

There are countless articles, books, posts to help us “survive the holidays.” But why just  “survive” when we can thrive and enjoy the glory of the greatest gift ever given. It boils down to the choices we make. Big choices, and little moment-by-moment choices.

But how? Here’s my Top Ten list of stress-busting choices:

 1.      Get into the Word. Read the Christmas story as if you never heard it before. Look for character qualities in the people you read about. Seek promises that are nestled in the familiar words. Look for something new. I found Luke 1:45 that way, and it grew my faith. Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished! said Elizabeth to Mary, a beautiful verse nestled between Elizabeth’s baby leaping and Mary’s song.

 2.      Replace anxious thoughts with thanksgiving. Worry is meditation about the wrong things. A friend once told me, “A grateful heart is rarely discontent.” Phil. 4:6-9 teaches us how to hold our thoughts captive. When we replace anxiety with thanksgiving, the peace of God (v.7) and the God of peace (v. 9) will be bookends surrounding our thought life.

 3.      Give yourself permission to change the definition of “perfect.” Your Christmas table will look just as lovely with pretty paper plates as with china. Gifts inside dollar store gift bags are just as appreciated as those that are hand-wrapped. When time doesn’t allow for home-made, store bought goodies are appreciated.

 4.      Seek alternatives. Our family has observed the Advent Conspiracy model of gift-giving. AC has 4 themes. Worship Fully. Spend Less. Give More. Love All. Our gift giving is more about relationship-building and helping others than about adding more items to our overstuffed closets. We “shop” for gifts in catalogs by World Vision (or IJM).

 5.      Stop – Look – Listen. Take a breather. Pretend for a moment you’re in the peaceful eye of a hurricane. The activity swirls around you, but you can sense the calming presence of God enveloping you. Catch the words of those God-honoring Christmas carols wafting through the store’s Muzak, and offer up a “popcorn prayer” of thanksgiving. “God and sinner reconciled.” “Come and behold Him.” “All is calm, all is bright.”

 6.      Resist the attraction to distraction. I confess to having the attention span of a gnat. I’m like a tumbleweed, drifting from room to room, activity to activity. To focus, I need to create a plan and carry a to-do list on a pad or in my phone. Accomplishing the major tasks provides me freedom to enjoy some unexpected delights.

 7.      Lighten up. Some of you are more task-oriented, it comes so naturally that you need to loosen up sometimes or you become like a gear wound too tight. Being so focused on tasks, it’s easy to miss the sweet joys that are all around. Like Martha who Jesus said was “distracted” by her many tasks, you need to release the need to “do” and embrace the opportunity to just “be,” to sit in His presence.

 8.      Set priorities. In addition to God’s Word, I live by 2 quotes. “There are enough hours in the day to do what God wants you to do. And no more.” ~AW Tozer  AND  “Good is the enemy of best.” ~Oswald Chambers

If I’m too busy, the question that begs to be answered is, “What am I doing that God doesn’t want me to do?” Many of these things are good things, but they aren’t the best things for me, at least for right now. Applying these two quotes enable me to prioritize and just say “no” without guilt. Michael Hyatt, shared a principle of how to schedule time to put First Things First.

 9.      Make the choice to forgive. If you’re alive and breathing, chances are at some point in your life, you’ve been hurt. Holding onto resentment and bitterness is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die. Making the choice to forgive frees you from that poison. The offender may not deserve to be forgiven, but doing it anyway is not for them. It’s for you. At this time of year, there’s a greater chance of encountering the offenders, whether in family gatherings or office parties or other activities. Forgiving cuts the tether that holds you to that person who hurt you. And most importantly, forgiving is an opportunity to develop Christ-likeness as one of His final statements was asking the Father to forgive those who hurt Him.

10.  Memorize the Word. This list begins and ends with the Word of God. It’s our sustenance, our food, our lifeline. And when we aren’t in arm’s length of our Bible, God can bring relevant Scriptures to mind like withdrawing a deposit we made at the bank. When tempted to get angry, upset, depressed, frustrated, go to the Word.  Write appropriate verses out on index cards and keep them by your kitchen sink, in the car, in your purse, etc.  Try to commit them to memory. 

1 Cor. 10:13 “You will not be tempted beyond what you are able to bear, but with the temptation, God will provide a way of escape.”

 James 1:2-4  “Consider it joy when you suffer trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” Phillips: “Welcome your trials as friends”

 Philippians 4:13     “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

 And, though not Scripture, a worthy saying:

 Serenity Prayer:      God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

                              To change the things I can,

                              And the wisdom to know the difference. 

All in all, throughout the season, make the choice to follow my dear friend’s advice:

“Keep the main thing, the main thing.”

Susan Panzica is a Jewish Jersey girl who loves Jesus, her family, the ocean, and mangos. Her passion is to bring an eternal perspective to earthly matters through writing, speaking, teaching, and coffee dates. A quasi-emptynester who works with her chiropractor husband, she thoroughly enjoys when her college age children are home, with or without all their friends. Susan is a speaker, women and children’s Bible teacher, and writer of the devotional blog Eternity Café. You can also check out Susan at www.susanpanzica.com

photo credit: murilocardoso via photopincc